10 Things You Actually Mean When You Say, “I’m Fine”

“I’m fine”, our generation’s most commonly spoken lie.

We walk around telling each other, every morning, every day, “I’m fine”, when the truth is, that we are so far from being “fine”.

So here are 10 things we really mean when we say “we’re fine”.

1. We just don’t want to talk about it. Well, yes, we know we aren’t feeling okay, but that doesn’t mean we need to or want to really open up and talk about it. It’s painful, and sometimes, we just aren’t ready to talk about all those feelings that surface our suffering. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
2. We want to talk about it, but we think you don’t really care. You are asking us how we feel, but do you really want to know? Are you asking us in passing, as a form of daily courtesy? Or do you really want to hear us tell you how empty and lonely we feel inside? And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
3. We want to talk about it, but we think you won’t understand. Ok, so we know you are truly concerned and worried about my well-being, and genuinely want to understand and even help. But you won’t get it. You won’t understand why it hurts so much, and we won’t be able to explain. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
4. We want to talk about it, but we’re sure that you’ll be judgmental. Even if we do tell you the real, dark truths lingering in our psyche, full of fears and uncertainty, we know you’re going to judge. You’re going to think we are ungrateful for all the blessings we have and how we have taken our privileges for granted. You’ll probably think we’re just miserable and unhappy, and have always been that way. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
5. You will probably understand, but you live in a society which doesn’t accept “not being fine”. “Honey, I get it, but snap out of it already! What are people going to say?”. Yeah, well. Clearly, you don’t get it. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
6. You will understand and accept, but we think you won’t be able to help us. We’re grateful that you understand, and you want to make sure we’re doing okay, but the truth is, that you probably can’t help us. The wound is too deep and dark for you to heal it. Well, that’s at least what we think. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
7. We know we aren’t okay, but we’re trying, and talking about it will make us feel weak or needy. There is a battle raging inside of us, and we’re trying to put our best foot forward and tell ourselves that we are formidable, not fragile. And talking about it, accepting it, is a sign of fragility. We are hoping against hope that we won’t need to talk about it because we’ll win this battle soon. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
8. We don’t want to spread our fears, miseries, uncertainties, because pain is contagious. We are the flag bearers of all the symptoms of depression, and we understand the real, hard truth of the sadness. To talk about it, is like exposing the world around us with the infectious depression-laden pathogens. We quarantine ourselves and lock up the sadness, and hope that it won’t infect everyone we love. And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
9. Well, nothing hurts physically… so I guess we’re fine, right? So it hurts inside and we know that. But outside, everything looks fine, right? So we’re fine, right? And, with that thought, we shut up, and simply say, “I’m fine.”
10. The hill has now become an arduous, formidable mountain, and its vastness is overwhelming. The (signs of) depression has become too big in our heads and to talk about the suffering has become impossible. We know nothing is fine, but we have lost the capacity to try and explain. So all we do is, close our eyes, sigh, and simply say, “I’m fine”.

The next time someone tells you they are “fine”, look at them for a second longer, and try to observe the signs. If you find yourself inept at helping or asking or talking, just give them a hug. Reassure them that you are there if they would like to talk. Just look in their eyes and nod, if nothing else. Because for someone battling through their anxieties and sorrows, all they need is a little bit of reaffirmation, a little gesture of concern, and a tiny amount of love.

Lots of love,

P.

(If you are someone who identifies with any signs of depression, or you know someone who may be experiencing any or all symptoms of depression, anxiety or any other emotional difficulty, please seek support from your friends, family or a professional who will be able to help you.)